“Loving God, Learning His Word, Living for Christ, Leading Others to do Likewise”

‘Demanding’ Respect… Or Not!

Respect and honor are the core values that make a relationship meaningful.  Mutual respect and honor is the ultimate goal between parent and child.  Ephesians 5:21 (NLT): “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” 

Recorded in the Gospels (Matthew 19) is the story of the “rich young ruler” asking Jesus what he must do to have eternal life.  Jesus replied in Matthew 19:19 (NLT): “Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as yourself.”   We want our children to be respectful of us and others, because ultimately it is in their best interest.  Respect is “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements; due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.”  To honor someone is “to regard or treat with admiration and respect and honor; to give special recognition to: to live up to or fulfill the terms of honor a commitment.”  Based on these definitions, respect and honor stem from the abundance of affection toward another. 

So how might we influence our children to “want” to honor, respect, and ultimately obey us?  We must earn it by behaving in a way that subtly teaches what respect looks like.  Let’s not forget that fully bloomed respect for a parent may not take shape until our children are adults.  They often are then in a position to reflect on the past in order to come to that conclusion. 

It is not something we can demand in a moment of fury and frustration.  First of all, let us consider the instruction to parents in Proverbs 22:6 (NLT): “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”  How will our children know if we don’t teach them?  Too often we are confused and demand respect and honor through our power over our children as opposed to building a relationship that will naturally produce the same.   The appearance of honor and respect out of a motive to get through this moment is temporary, meaningless, and often fuels bitterness and disrespect. 

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.”

James 1:19-20 (NLT)   

God never accomplishes His greatest work in the hearts of our children through our anger. Since times of old, parents have resolved to “demand” respect and honor, often through anger and loud voices.  Some even resort to name calling to make their point.  How will our children ever know what honor and respect look like when we model the opposite?  In order to receive respect, we must give respect.  The idea that I can raise my voice and demand honor and respect has never worked.  We want our children to respect us through an abundance of love and compassion, not bitterness and frustration. 

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” 

Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)
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Anita Blake

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